2008 Darwin Awards
>
> You've been waiting for them, so without further ado, here are the 2008
> Darwin awards:
>
> *Eighth Place*
> In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
> after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve
> his car keys.
>
> *Seventh Place*
> A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,'
> accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
>
> *Sixth Place*
> While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from
> the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it
> collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used
> their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It
> took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones
> was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>
> *Fifth Place*
> Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
> bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight
> he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of
> his skull as he hit the floor.
>
> *Fourth Place*
> Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who
> said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and
> pull the trigger.
>
> *Third Place*
> After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a
> man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The
> shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the
> counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up,
> and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk
> promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and
> fired. Paramedics pronounced the robber dead at the scene. Crime scene
> investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
> subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds
> from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
>
> *HONORABLE MENTION*
> Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2
> A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see
> what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
>
> *RUNNER UP*
> Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said
> they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle
> of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped
> along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of
> the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham,
> who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
> lineman's cable lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and
> then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
> tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his
> fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's
> foot was never located.
>
> *AND THE WINNER IS...*
> Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated
> elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs
> and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
> Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing
> elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer
> force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the
> ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to
> evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
>
> It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... '*BLEEP*
> happens'.
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